What I am about to propose may seem radical but hear me out. Ive been paying attention to the happenings in Iraq this week and for the last couple years. We are on the verge of yet another milestone being reached. Even as the naysayers continue to say we cannot possibly be this far along and as they say our troops could not possibly have succeeded as much as they have we are on the eve of more historic elections. And at the same time the Iraqi people face off against threats from cowardly terrorists wanting to dominate them. These people are risking their lives. And the are risking their lives, mostly, for their freedom. They are risking their lives to vote. Yeah, there are some among the Iraqis that are voting with the hope of getting another dictator, their dictator, into power but I think for the most part it is safe to say that the Iraqis have had enough of that type of government. So with threats of violence against them, they are going to the polls and, God willing, will soon be sporting the proud symbol of their success more purple fingers. Yet here in America, land of the free and home of the brave, we cannot even get the average citizen off their asses long enough to learn about what is going on each election much less actually get them to vote! Heck some we cannot even get off the couches to get a job. We have literal morons that think Michael Moores Fahrenheit 9/11 is a documentary for Christs sake! Its been a long time since America was under the yoke of dictator. Too long for the apologetic left. And even as our founding fathers way back when struggled to rally the American people to fight for their own independence many still would have rather continued to be oppressed by the King of England at the time. So I have been thinking. Ive been thinking how many on the political left have been wringing their hands about how wrong it was for us to take out Saddam Hussein. And I have been thinking about how many complain that we took his country from him for no reason. So lets give him a new one and teach the American people that they should kiss the God blessed ground they walk on each and every day. I say pardon Saddam Hussein! Pardon him! And enter him as a Presidential candidate in the 2008 elections. Yes, you heard right. I am endorsing Saddam Hussein to run for President in 2008 of these United States. Not because I think hell be a great leader but rather because some people in America have to wake up and come into the real world. And the only way a vast number of Americans will ever understand and respect their liberties is to lose them. Sad to say that is the conclusion I have come to. Now, of course well have to amend the Constitution to do this since currently only naturally born citizens can be President but hey, Im sure our leaders are up to that task. And just to make it fair for Saddam because I doubt he would win under normal circumstances, we will make it illegal for anyone to challenge him in 2008 as well. And just to make it even more fair we will have poll workers making sure that you check the box for uncle Saddam or lose a hand or maybe have your child stung to death with scorpions if you wont. After Saddam is gloriously elected in 2008, the Congress will be dissolved and the Constitution shredded. Our elected officials shred the Constitution every day as it is anyway so no big deal! Rape rooms will be opened in every county and paper shredders for dissidents will be installed in the lobby of every school. We will also seal the borders and give the troops standing watch orders to shoot anyone trying to flee to Mexico or Canada. Essentially we will make the United States just like Iraq used to be under Saddam. And then maybe after 30 years or so of Saddam Americans will finally wake up and thank God for the freedom they have - saturated with socialism though it may be right now. And maybe after 30 years we will have an American public that realizes just how good they have it here. Maybe this is what it takes to get Americans to wake up, get to the freaking polls and vote and sing the praises of the great country they live in. Of course before that can happen we will need to over throw our glorious President Saddam Hussein without anyones help. Because to have help would clearly be seen as a violation of our sovereignty. And many of the same people that told us how wrong it was for the United States to help the Iraqis will still be around and will probably be highly ranked officials in the new regime too. Yeah right! Try first through the plastic shredders more likely! On second thought, maybe this whole Saddam for President in 2008 thing is a bit over the top. I mean there really is no reason to punish intelligent Americans that actually give a damn about other people with this kind of horror just to motivate and educate the slothful and the apologists. So how about this then Ill compromise. Well just make Saddam Hussein President of all the Blue Counties in America affectionately known as Kerry Land or Havent Got A Clues-ville. Yeah, thats a much better idea and Im glad I had a chance to work this out with all of you. Saddam for President of Blue America! |
