Many of us experience great difficulty finding a way to make a living while also finding meaning in our work. The search can be excruciatingly painful, especially when we feel we have prepared ourselves for a certain career, achieved "success" in it, and then find out we really don't like what we do. We find ourselves settling and staying in jobs just so that we can make a living. The longer we are in jobs like that, the harder it is to get out. So many people are in jobs that they feel are eating them alive...and yet they stay. Some are afraid they that if they found a new job, it might be worse than the one they have now. Or that they would lose their insurance, or they would never get paid what they get now. Others fear people will think they are unstable or unreliable if they keep changing jobs. Regardless of how we got there and why we stay in jobs we hate, we all want to answer the question "What Should I Do With My Life?" before making a move. When it comes to answering this ultimate question, there seem to be two basic types of people in this world. Knowers and Seekers. Knowers The knowers are people whose lives seem to follow a straight line path, like Mother Teresa or Bill Clinton. They knew exactly what they were meant to do from a very early age. They are focused and have acheived really great things. They experience turmoil like all of us, but in a different way. There problems are usually more focused on HOW to get what they want. The rest of us have to first figure out WHAT we really want. We are the "Seekers". Seekers Seekers long for a clear vision of who they are and a clear idea of what they are "meant" to be doing. Seekers spend a good portion of their lives searching and "trying on" different careers before finding what they were meant to do. We are on a constant journey to discover ourselves and keep up with who we are as we evolve. We go through periods of great joy and periods of change, turmoil, agony and self-doubt as we sort out answers to questions like:
- What will make me happy?
- Why can't I be consistently energetic and focused every day of my life?
- Why do I get so easily distracted?
- Why do I say things I wish I could take back?
- Why can't I find a job or career that I really love?
- Why do I stay in a job I hate?
- What should I do with the rest of my life?
- What is my purpose?
- What are the talents I have and how can I use them to make a living AND be happy?
- How do I get the courage to change?
- I used to love doing "xyz" but I don't anymore. Why?
And on and on.Is it unstable? fear of commitment? or healthy change? There are a lot of labels for people who change jobs "frequently" in pursuit of finding a life they love. But to me, if you are learning and growing from each experience, then starting and stopping different jobs, projects, hobbies, and even relationships does not automatically make you "unstable", unable to commit, or a bad person. Your personal evolutionary path may be different from others, but that doesn't mean it's "wrong." How do you know the difference between "different" and "unhealthy"? There is no simple answer to that. But, if you ARE NOT able to take care of yourself, pay your own bills, maintain a home, or keep making the SAME mistakes, or if you are getting the SAME negative feedback from, and having the SAME problems with everyone, and don't get any wiser or feel any better, you probably aren't growing, and need professional support of some kind. You may even need medication to stabilize you while you figure out a better way to reach your goals. But it's worth getting a second opinion before you assume there is something terribly wrong with you because you haven't found your path to bliss in life yet. Finding a life you love, means learning to accept yourself as you ARE, and not overly dwelling on what you wish you were or think you "should" be. When you start to learn from your pain, that's when you begin to grow, make peace with yourself and others, and ultimately find your niche in the world. Follow Your Heart When I was in the process of making yet another career change in my life, a dear wise friend of mine said this to me.
"Are you following your heart? If you are, the people who really love you will support you. The people who would criticize you are probably not the kind of people you want as friends. Some of the most successful people in the world have been through many career transitions. They continuously learn and change to follow their hearts. Adaptation is a great survival skill. As long as you keep learning, growing and doing your best, go for it."
I'll never forget that. It was an amazing moment of clarification, self-acceptance and peace for me. So which are you? A Seeker or a Knower? Are you following your heart? Great Resources for Seekers "What Should I Do with My life?" If you are still seeking, I highly recommend this amazing book by Po Bronson. He provides heartfelt stories of true seekers who took incredibly diverse paths to find their calling in life and answer the question "What should I do with my life?." From the depths of depression, welfare, abuse, and more, the people profiled by Po, took winding paths filled with change and courage to eventually find their bliss. It was a wonderful inspiration to me in answering that question for myself. "Now What?" by Laura Berman Fortgang. Laura is a very successful life coach who has helped millions of people find their direction in life. Her book enables people who can't afford coaching to get a glimpse of what it's like to be coached. She shares her 12 week process for guiding people to answer the questions "What am I meant to do with my life?" and "I got what I thought I wanted, now what?" She also provides lot of motivational stories of seekers who had the courage to make changes and find their personal bliss. 2006 Ariane Benefit |
