I know a woman who took up golf over the summer. Her husband was an avid golfer, and she wanted to learn the game so that they could play together. Plus, it was her husbands dream that when they retire next year they could visit all the golf courses that he had heard about and wanted to play across the country. She went to her local community college and registered for a six week course. Well, after the third week of class she decided that she hated golf. She thought it to be a slow boring game and did more to aggravate her bad temper than to relax her as her husband had promised. She is ready to pitch her brand new clubs and leave the game to the men. She feels as if the six week class was a huge waste of time and money and is concerned that her husband wont want to fulfill his dream to visit all those courses since she wont be golfing with him. I think we all have been in a similar situation when we try out something that we have been pining for, only to find out it isnt all it was cracked up to be. We might feel like we have wasted our time or money, or that someone else will be disappointed in our efforts. The more we think about it the angrier or depressed we feel. This can lead to a hesitancy to try another new project or idea, or those negative feeling can put us into a funk that is hard to pull out of. There is however, another way to look at these situations. It is a simple act of listening to our inner voice, recognizing the negative words and creating new more positive dialogue. It is a matter of changing our perspective and focusing on the positives that have come from the experience. For example, my friend can say that she was able to accomplish her goal of learning to play golf, and she now knows more about herself than she did before starting her lessons. She had six weeks of great exercise (she did say that she dropped a couple of pounds during that class time), and she knows the game well enough that she can appreciate her conversations about her husbands game a bit better than before. She also had the opportunity to meet new people and did create a new friendship with one of her classmates (her new friend wasnt much into the game either!). It isnt always easy to find the positive perspective in every situation. If you lost a job, were involved in a terrible accident, or lost a loved one, thinking positively or finding that silver lining can feel like an impossible task. So how do you do it? One way is to write in a journal. Open your mind and write down every thing you think and feel. Keep a log of everything that you are saying to yourself. After a day or two, go back and rewrite those statements in the positive. For example, if you were downsized out of a job, you might be saying to yourself that you will never find another job like the one you had, or wondering who is going to want to hire you. Rewriting those statements to say that you will find a better job than the one you had and the right person is out there looking for exactly someone like yourself will not only lift your mood, but can also give you the motivation to find the job and employer that you are looking for. For many of us, giving ourselves that pep talk can be a difficult job. If you find that you cant do it alone, solicit help from someone else. Friends and family are usually a good place to start. Sometimes they have a more objective point of view and can see things and remind you of things that you cant see for yourself. They were the ones that listened to you complain about your job, and heard you talk fondly of the career change that you have been dreaming up. Maybe your friend of choice is your higher power. Focusing on your faith can bring clarity and a sense of new orientation that you may need to move on. Professional help is another option. Hiring a therapist or professional coach will not only help you to put your situation into a different perspective, but also will help you strategize some new goals and determine the steps needed to accomplish those goals. For some people, the way to turn a negative situation into a positive is to actually do something. Starting a new foundation, raising money, or volunteering in your community are examples of activities that can help you to feel as if the tragedy or the negative event had a purpose in the end. Its sometimes extremely difficult to see the brighter side of a situation, but it can be an important step in moving on in life and allowing you to continue to try new things and take advantage of what life has to offer. |
