"Putting on" is the tendency to lie to and fool ourselves. We basically put ourselves on.

There's a curious defect in our make-up that I bet you've noticed. If we were cars, we'd have been recalled and redesigned. We each have the ability to twist our thinking around so much that we can justify anything and convince ourselves that we are right.

The damage wrought by "putting on"

We lie to ourselves and believe the lie.

We believe our ability to rationalize is a good thing, but ...

Take a look at the word rationalize: if we split the word, we get "rational lies." And that's basically what we do - tell lies that sound so rational and make so much sense that it's easy to forget that we are simply fooling ourselves.

We operate as if these "rational lies" were true. This sets us up for disappointment and frustration when those who aren't in on our little drama don't cooperate with our perception of things.

What to do

On a regular basis, question some of your own assumptions. Remember, to assume means to make an ass out of u and me.

Check to make sure your thinking makes sense. How? Two ways:

1. Ask yourself, "If someone were telling me what I'm telling myself, what would I think?

2. Ask people who know you well to check out your thinking. Be brave enough to ask, "Does this make sense?"

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com